Reducing Household Stress and Strengthening Parent-Child Relationships

Attachment Theory has become increasingly popular over the years due to the significant benefits found on connections within the family and the growth and development of a child. In society today it can be difficult to prioritize attachment due to the business of work, school, schedules, and structure. 

As isolating within our homes has become a priority, I wanted to bring attachment and relationship building to the forefront to begin part one of four on: Reducing Household Stress and Strengthening Parent-Child Relationships During COVID-19 Isolation.

Child-Directed Play

Parenting activities such as play and reading have shown to decrease parental stress while enhancing the parent-child relationship (Yogman, Garner, Hutchinson, Hirsh-Pasek & Golinkoff, 2018). In fact, Yogman et al (2018) describes play as an antidote to stress, as it has the ability to bring the body’s physiological response or symptoms of stress back down to baseline. Fortunately play and laughter stimulate oxytocin and endorphins for all of those involved, impacting mood and strengthening connection (Markham, 2017). The benefits that play can have on parents as well as children should not be ignored, particularly in times of stress.  

When a parent joins a child in play they are given a glimpse into their communication and needs (Ginsburg, 2007). In fact, often children will express their experiences, observations of the world around them, and even concerns or frustrations through play (Ginsburg, 2007). Parents are offered an opportunity in these moments to provide guidance, nurturing, explanations, and even demonstrations of family values through continued child-directed play. For example, perhaps a child would like to have a tea party with you and stuffed animals/dolls. Incorporating family values and guidance with child-directed play may involve the child directing you where to sit, what you will be eating/drinking, while you may be telling the stuffed animals/dolls to say please and thank you as you hand them their tea. 

The above is a simple example of child-directed play with a young child. That being said, the same benefits can be applied to all ages, including adolescents. In fact, finding the time to connect with your teenager through an activity that they have chosen can have a powerful impact on the relationship. Showing and demonstrating interest in what they are saying or the activities they enjoy shows your care and respect for them. Children who feel a strong sense of connection with their parents want to cooperate and follow their parents lead when they are able to (Markham, 2017). In fact, the reason children are willing to follow rules is based on that connection. Thus growing and nurturing it is imperative, and will ultimately lead to lower levels of stress within the household. 

Fortunately, the changes you see in behaviour when you focus on connection can often be observed rather quickly. For example, your child is acting out all morning and you feel negative emotions growing within you. You decide to take a minute to yourself, take a breath, and then offer 30 minutes of child-directed play in which you are solely focused on the child and their interest. While you do so, you will want to ensure that no distractions are present, including phones or electronics. Take note of how the mood changes. How do emotions shift? What do you learn about your child in that moment? Perhaps they were struggling with a frustration that becomes evident in their play. Perhaps your emotions shift, and you feel something else, something you needed in that moment that was offered to you through embracing connection. 

References

Ginsburg, K. R. (2007). The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds. Pediatrics, 119–182. doi: 10.1542/peds.2006-2697

Markham, L. (2017). 10 Habits to Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201706/10-habits-strengthen-parent-child-relationship

Yogman, M., Garner, A., Hutchinson, J., Hirsh-Pasek, K., & Golinkoff, R. M. (2018). The Power of Play: A Pediatric Role in Enhancing Development in Young Children. American Academy of Pediatrics, 142(3), 2018–2058. doi: http://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2018-2058

Written by:

Stacey Boe, M.A., R.C.C.